3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
