just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
