my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
