Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
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