Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
