so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
