So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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