He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
