My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
false alarm, still single
Randomize
