A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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