I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
