Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
