My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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