I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
And then my night got REAL pukey
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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