i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I AM VODKA MAN
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
