my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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