its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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