I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
