and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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