just come out here and I will go home with you...
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
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