I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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