everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
