yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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