is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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