Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
