Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
