I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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