I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
