i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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