would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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