i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
