I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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