I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
A+ Viking dick
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