Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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