I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
