It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
