I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
