At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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