if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
