i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
