I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
