Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
