So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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