Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
