Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
