The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
