P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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