I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
