How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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