I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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