Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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