separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
