opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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