But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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