ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
