Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
