Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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