it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...