My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
In America we eat man semen.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.