remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.