This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything