now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
