I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
