i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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