we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
