I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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