Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
