You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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