Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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