this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize
