We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
