I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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