I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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