Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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