Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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