She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
