I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
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