Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
