She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
