used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
