I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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