AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
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are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
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No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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