at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I just forgot I was standing up.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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