do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
should my penis look like a turkey
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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