Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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