woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
try to milk me bitch
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