my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize