You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
as a side note pls kill me
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
