I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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