you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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