So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
